by Rozella Haydée White, LEAD Consultant

The ground keeps shifting beneath my feet.
It’s impossible to catch my breath.
I’ve lost track of time.

I never seem to know what day it is. No matter how long I sleep, I never feel fully rested or restored.

The news headlines. COVID19. Natural Disasters. Racial Uprisings. The deaths of national Heroes and Sheroes.

Injustice. Injustice. Injustice.

None of it’s fair. None of it’s right. None of it’s just.

Even as I try to keep it all together, the grief and trauma seep out. The tears flow and I feel like I am both standing in the valley of the shadow of death and taking in a valley of dry bones, simultaneously.

And I can’t gather in person with beloved members of my faith community. We are experiencing all of this together and alone. The community that would offer refuge and release; where I would experience renewal and be able to sing and pray and cry and laugh and be fed manna from heaven with those who know me best, is scattered.

Everything I thought I knew…everything I thought I believed…everything I trusted, is fading away before my very eyes, leaving me with nothing but memories to cling to.

I am experiencing what can only be understood as deconstruction – the dismantling of everything I thought I knew – and am coming to understand that so much of the things I clung to, were flawed. Actually, maybe it’s not the things I clung to, but maybe it’s my flawed understanding of these things.

As we enter into the Fall, so much remains unknown. What will happen with schooling? How will our country respond and react to the impending election? Will our churches survive? And this is to say nothing of our personal struggles and fears.

So many questions. So much doubt. So much pain.

Through it all, I can’t help but wonder if this moment for people of faith is our wilderness moment. Our experience of wandering through desert lands, lamenting for what was and not knowing what will be. As our ancestors wandered, they also wondered. They wondered about God – did the Divine really care? Was the Divine truly present?

They wondered about each other – did we follow the right one? Can I trust where we are being led?

The ground was shifting under their very feet as they traversed sand and dune and mountain. I can’t imagine being in their shoes, and yet, for us today we are experiencing the wilderness.

We don’t know what the future holds but we do know Who holds the future. Our trust, our faith, and our hope resides in God and we are here with you in this moment as we continue this journey into uncharted territory.


As LEAD prepares for the Advent season, we are doing some intentional discerning, listening, and planning as we create resources that explore this theme of deconstruction.

How does your faith support you in this moment?

How is deconstruction happening in your life?

What is falling away and what remains?

We would love to hear from you as we create resources that provide respite, refuge, and resources that invite us to wade into our deep faith, together, bringing our questions, our wonderings, our grief, and our lamentations.